I think I got a BlackBerry just because I come very close to going insane when I have idle time. I can now keep it together waiting in line at Kroger's since I can check email and text the kids. I have four hours to kill right now while I wait for the girls to finish dance and even having my lap top hardly takes the edge off the fact I'm wasting time. I could go home but it is an hour drive each way; it's a judgement call. I have errands I can run so I guess I will stay put on this side of town.I had to work really hard to get the kids out of bed in time for church this morning. I don't remember questioning the merits of religion with my parents like my kids do with me, but I'm sure mom and dad knew what I was thinking and they were just too horrified to discuss it. It's always chaos Sunday mornings and today the kids had to pack their bags for dance before we left. We went from church to dance and now I'm at Starbucks. This is going to be a long, drawn out post with no real point because I am board and jacked up on coffee. It will likely get buried with all my other unpublished posts that have no point, or make me sound bitter. I suppose there is always some type of a point and really, I'm not bitter, just anxious.
Alright, I now have only 3 hours and 45 minutes to kill. What is eating at me is I happen to be only 5 miles from my parents' house. They are in Florida but one of my bikes is in their garage here in Michigan from when I exchanged it for their car half way through my ill timed ride last Sunday. It is beautiful out. I could have very easily thrown some riding clothes in the truck this morning and rode after I dropped the kids off at dance. I haven't gotten the hours in riding this year as I did last year, and blowing chances like this is just unacceptable. Last night I compared screen prints of my February 2009 riding hours to my 2010 hours just to torture myself. I clearly need to work harder. I have long since given up my goal of placing in an Expert race but I don't want to embarrass myself. Hum...when one's stated goal for a race season is not to embarrass themselves, it might be time to reconsider what the heck they are doing racing in the first place. I started racing BMX 30-some years ago which morphed into road racing then mountain bike racing. I think I forgot how to just ride a bike.
Child juggling is tough. Nobody will ever remember that you remembered the dance gear but not your bike...but it's part of what we do as parents.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I frame "wasting time" as the gathering of strength by giving my body some physical rest. And then I still get nastier than a caged animal...but it's kind of a nice Zen thought, huh?
I know exactly what you mean...been there/AM there, but aren't you being kinda hard on yourself?
ReplyDeleteHum, I'm not sure...I constantly picture this huge clock all by itself in this otherwise empty room and I watch each second tick by and wonder if I made good use of that second. Right, personality quirk number 160 if anyone is counting. I mean, there are people ice climbing and blazing trails in the snow and I am just drinking coffee. Very good coffee.
ReplyDelete