How to Lose Friends and Manipulate Children

Most of the riding I did last year was just social rides. They seldom went anaerobic so I occasionally told fibs so I could ride alone. Over the winter there was a flurry of changing jobs and priorities with the people I ride with. This season I find myself pathetically asking them to ride with me, like Bob Roll in that Road ID commercial. The few rides I have done with friends last month concerned me.

Paul isn’t exactly a mountain biker but he does spend 20 plus hours a week in the gym. I had to work harder that I expected to keep up with him on the flat, straight sections of trail. Randy fell in love with a tri girl, the kind of love that gets you out of bed before work to swim laps. He worked hard over the winter and is now officially faster than me. I rode with Bill Saturday. He got a job at a bike shop and is deep into bicycling. Bill recently had his ass measured for a new saddle; I didn’t realize this was even an option. I struggled to keep up with Bill at first but figured I would drop his Clydesdale ass and matching saddle on the hills. Nope. I kept my heart rate pegged at 173 BPM as he effortlessly climbed away from me.

Maybe I’m not as fast as I thought. And I didn’t think I was all that fast to begin with.

I was supposed to do a shop ride with Bill yesterday but I took the girls out for dinner and ice cream in downtown Ann Arbor instead. As usual, I used this time to point out the hip U of M kids in the retro stores and coffee shops. I subtly talked about how cool it would be if Em and Allie went to the University of Michigan, and about GPAs and SAT scores. Em, my sweet angel, was enthusiastic but I noticed Allie, my, Allie, was wearing Michigan State flip flops; I’m sure that was no accident. Allie is not one to be manipulated. Maybe I’m not as clever as I thought.